A finer shade of plain
Turned cartwheels ’cross the floor,
When I found out I’d be driving
The new larger Volvo four-door.
But my gusto turned to sadness
As I drove it off the lot.
And I found out although it’s better
It’s almost like a bot.
With so much tech on board,
The driver need just sustain.
And the car, although attractive,
Is a finer shade of plain.
With apologies to Procol Harum (and countless others through the decades), this song just fits the Volvo S80 so well.
It’s a great-looking car, and a technological tour de force, but it is so chock-full of technological items to make you drive straighter, steer better, stop quicker, be more protected in the event of a crash, and even pay less attention to what’s going on around you, that the driver simply becomes a navigation tool (emphasis on “navigation,” please).
There are the usual traction aids for acceleration, stopping and steering, so that you should never find an S80 planted sideways on the highway (as became of the minivan in front of us as we were returning it to the company after our week behind the wheel).
It also has the full complement of airbags, restraints and add-ons to keep you from hitting anything sharp regardless of which way the car is hit — front and side airbags, air curtains and active head restraints all combine to keep S80 occupants safe in undesirable conditions.
But then on top of it all, there are parking sensors to keep you from hitting curbs, posts, kids’ playthings or the children themselves. There are side cameras below the mirrors that visually alert the driver when something is in the blindspot. There are sensors in the front to visually and audibly alert the driver of an impending collision unless evasive action is taken. They also help keep the cruise-controlled car a set distance from the vehicle in front.
On the subject of the latter, it becomes really annoying when a vehicle merges onto the highway in front of you and the car immediately starts to slow down and will come pretty near to a standstill before disengaging the cruise control.
If you try to accelerate and change lanes, you’re hit with the flashing and beeping right in front of the steering wheel telling you that you’re accelerating when you should be braking and you’re going to hit whatever is in front of you.
If you simply try to change lanes (provided the blind-spot warning isn’t on, of course), the pick-up isn’t instantaneous so you have traffic coming right on top of you from behind.
On the security front, the transponder remote allows you to check on the status of your car from a continent away — you might not be able to quickly do anything about it, but you can find out if it’s locked or unlocked, and even if there is a heartbeat in the car (meaning somebody could be breaking into it or taking it for a joy-ride).
Granted you can turn all those things off, but why would you want to? Isn’t that the reason most people buy Volvos and how the company markets itself?
The interior is pure Volvo with well organized storage areas, creative presentation to the centre stack and probably the best seats on the market for their support and comfort. The problem is that the overall interior is just so uninteresting.
But I guess that’s expected, given the sedate ride and handling (although you can firm it up in a couple different ways through push-buttons in front of the shifter). We didn’t really try to push the S80 on the track ... we just didn’t have the gumption to.
And I guess that’s the whole point ... it’s as if everything in the S80 was meant to capture as little attention as possible and the end result is that it does just that.
So to wrap up, you can drive a great car in the Volvo S80 ... just don’t expect anybody to notice.
I think there is no reason
For the car so plain to be.
But I wonder if the gadgetry
Hides the forest for the trees.
For the myriad helpful tools
Meant to keep you out of harm's way,
Viewed as needless costly add-ons,
Make the car so bland and tame.
With so much tech on board,
The driver need just sustain.
And the car, although attractive,
Is just a finer shade of plain.
Fact File
2008 Volvo S80 3.2
Price as tested, before tax: $62,095
Options: Luxury Package ($3,300) includes active Bi-Xenon headlights, Parking assist-front and rear, active chassis, perforated leather heated and cooled front seats, heated rear seats, rain sensor wipers; Security Package ($3,150) includes retractable side view mirrors with puddle light, Adaptive Cruise Control, Collision Warning with Brake Support, Blind spot information system, level sensor, mass movement sensor; metallic paint ($650)
Freight: $1,615
Configuration: front engine/AWD
Engine/Transmission: 3.2L I6/6-speed automatic with sequential shift
Horsepower: 235 @ 6,200 rpm
Torque: 236 lb.-ft. @ 3,200 rpm
Fuel required: 70 litres, regular
EnerGuide fuel ratings (L/100 km): 13.3 city; 8.2 hwy.
Observed fuel economy: 9.9 L/100 km combined over 944 km
Warranty: 4 years/80,000 km
Competition: Acura RL, Audi A6, BMW 528xi, Chrysler 300C, Infiniti M35, Lexus GS 350, Mercedes-Benz E300 4Matic
Strengths: Affordable, economical, comfortable interior, safety items
Weaknesses: Bland overall experience, confusing switchgear
S80 vs. Acura RL vs. Chrysler 300C
Find a dealer that sells the Volvo S80
Other vehicle reviews for Volvo
Autonet Best Choice 2007 Luxury sedans/mid-size wagons
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